A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled

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Ruby Wax had spent a lifetime building a successful career, home and family through ‘sheer drive’ and determination. Then, having struggled with depression all her life, she suffered a major relapse and decided the time had come to make a change. She proceeded to study mindfulness-based cognitive therapy at Oxford University (achieving a Masters for good measure) and learned how to take personal control over her mind, her mood and her life.

Warm as she is, it’s hard to imagine the slightly manic and frantic persona Wax projects reacting well to the neediness of very young children. ‘I used to go into high panic each time I was left alone with one of my kids when they were babies,’ she says in the book. Does she worry that they will be affected by depression? ‘I think my kids are OK,’ she says, after a moment’s reflection. ‘Often it first shows up in your teens and they seem to have made it through.’ As Ruby explains the term frazzled as when someone is feeling constant stress. "Stress is helpful to a degree, it's what gets us out of bed in the morning, but it stops being helpful when someone is stressed about being stressed and is then caught in a constant loop, which can lead to feeling overwhelmed." We know how important it is to stay connected in these unprecedented and uncertain times. Frazzled Cafe meetings are a supportive online community where you can come and talk in a safe, non-judgemental space about what’s really going on for you. We open in the same way with the host welcoming everyone, running through the meeting settings and guidelines, popping a short poll onto your screen and introducing Ruby who leads the mindfulness exercise, bringing everyone together.Ruby Wax arrived in Britain in 1977 to pursue an acting career. She says "I really could never find my niche. I was a terrible actress, I couldn't sing, I couldn't do characters, I couldn't do an English accent and I lived in England, so I was narrowing it down". Frazzled Cafe Facilitated meetings run for 45 minutes to an hour and start with a run-through of our guidelines. This is to ensure confidentiality is respected and that there is safe environment for those that would like to share. To listen without offering solutions. Please focus your contribution on personal experiences and not political/thematic concepts. When speaking please focus on what The Trust is contributing funding and volunteers to the Hub, helping to connect people with existing groups and activities; funding a MIND outreach project in Harpenden and researching ‘gold standard’ initiatives that might be of benefit to our town’s wellbeing. An in-person Frazzled cafe will be a fantastic addition to our town and will run at Thompson’s Cafe in the center of town.

To be present. To benefit fully from the session and stay present in the room, please try to avoid distractions from phones or other devices. The Facilitator and Host’s role is to ensure everyone that would like to speak gets a chance to, that the topics of conversation are appropriate for the space and that attendees are both present and respectful of the space and one another. Questions to one another are avoided, and the Facilitator or Host will manage this You would be forgiven for thinking 2020 was not the year for a book about good news. But now might be the time we need it most. Ruby Wax is here to reassure us with her brand new book, And Now For The Good News. This is her positivity prescription, showing us the green shoots of optimism and change forcing their way up and into the sunlight. To be kind to ourselves and each other. This is NOT group therapy and no-one should feel under pressure to say anything. We do hope that in hearing others’ experiences you will feel encouraged to share your own. Whether you speak or not, please treat each other in a supportive and considerate way. It is impossible to deny her enthusiasm and personal trauma, her will to be well and compassion for fellow sufferers.” – Helen Davies, Sunday Times (paywall) Buy the book

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I personally wanted to learn how to de-frazzle and, even more urgently, find a method to defuse my depression. After much research, I found out mindfulness and cognitive therapy (called MBCT) had the best results, as far as empirical evidence goes, in dealing with stress, depression and anxiety. The word mindfulness gives me the same vibes as dream-catchers and lentils, but Oxford University offers a master’s programme in MBCT so I thought there must be something to it. So I took the course, wrote my dissertation, spun it with comedy and boom, then got a book and show out of it. That’s killing multiple birds with one stone. I adored interviewing Ruby: she has such a fizzing, uniquely vibrant and clever way of thinking about things. And I've wanted her on the podcast for ages because she does such important work' - Elizabeth Day